These Simple Things I've Learned Don't Give A Clue To Answer Why...the only thing I know is I don't know a thing

Dear Boys and Girls,
It is a beautiful day! The sun is shining and the grass is turning green! Today is going to be a special day. We have a fun assembly and it is a short day! I hope we have a great day together!
Love,
Miss B.


Let this be a sign of my ever dwindling sanity. For those of you that know me, I am a what many people would call....pessimistic. I would call it being logical and a realist (with an occasional side of pessimism for spice). This is just who I have always been. I am the girl that sees the glass as half empty...but also the girl that sees that glass and thinks "Damn that first half was delicious! I better savor this second half because this fruit punch is fantastic!" I am also the girl that had a game plan. While there were some remixes in the plan....my song was still the same. I wanted to go to college, study education, graduate ASAP (those of you that remember me in high school know just how much trouble I have had with actually attending school), get good grades (Magna Cum Laude, Bitches!), get a teaching job in Southern Illinois, and live my life.

Well I achieved all of those goals up until the get a job and live my life part. This is where the change began. Goal oriented Kendra had to face unemployment (YIKES!), lack of health insurance (DOUBLE YIKES! as many of you know I am accident prone and have a shitty immune system), AND living at home for another year (FML). During the fall I relaxed in a serious fashion and I feel it was VERY well deserved having worked my ass off to graduate early...I deserved a break and a bit of acting like a college kid should. During this time my life was at a standstill of sorts. I had no job prospects and no real goal to work towards since getting a teaching position was out of the question for at least 8 months. I moped around in true KB style. Stayed in my pajamas for two days at a time, ate cake and mac and cheese every day, consumed ungodly amounts of fruit punch, read a lot of books, sand and danced around my room for hours each day, watched a lot of tv and crafted.

This all went well for me except when I stopped to evaluate the lameness of my life. This spring I expected things to continue as before....lazy and unmotivated in a frump Kendra. But then something happened. I can't really figure out what changed....but my realization of sudden optimism and a new outlook on life...that can be blamed on the red hats.
While on Spring Break in the STL Christian and Jessica and I bought these festive fellows for a whopping $3.50 from the crazy Asians at the costume jewelry store. We put on these funny guys and suddenly the day was beautiful, life was good, and it did not matter that I don't have a real job and live with my parents (and it takes A LOT to make that seem like an acceptable situation).

This new slightly optimistic, cheerful, positive Kendra is a strange new place. For once in my life I am able to write bright and sunny things like the above letter (which is what I WILL be writing on Friday as my morning message for the group of kindergartners that I sub for) and not have to fight to keep my gag reflex in check. Sure....sarcasm still eeks out of my every pore...and yeah.... the glass may still not be half full....but such is life. I AM working very hard to try new things and let loose and live a bit more. I am also working on completing a mental (now written) list (yes you silly kids ANOTHER list!) of things that I have wanted to do that for some reason or another I have not done yet.

1. See Taking Back Sunday (go ahead...make fun of me...I have loved TBS for years and years and finally have the chance to see them. I AM GEEEKED!)
2. Get out more...get wasted during the week (thank you Crunk Thursday with Christian and Monday Camp out)
3. Go out to the bars during the week (still needs to happen)
4. Be Social! (Working on it....I tend to just not try socially because I have amazing friends...but I am trying really hard to be social and a friend to people besides my passe)
5. Do more things because I enjoy it and not let things like money and sleep be such a dominating factor in my choices.

These are just a few of my "to-do"'s...but I feel like it is a good start. I have also reached the shocking realization that I could be okay with not teaching in Southern Illinois to start off. Those of you that don't know me...your jaws should be on the floor right now. While this is not something I am actively trying...it is a thought I have embraced. Scary. I know. If I do attempt to make this a reality...let us ALL hope that Christian gets a job in some place that A. has a good school district and B. is not too hot as we all know contact with the sun makes me melt, burn, shrivel, and swell up like.....a swollen thing. If on the off chance that I leave this place...you can bet that at least one of my bestests is going to be nearby!

Let me end this strangely positive post before I change my mind and go back to being my normal sarcastic, negative, Whaaa whaaa whaaa self.

The Best Things in Life....Orange Bras, Aprons, Temp tattoos, Skull Earrings, Floppy Hat, Chef Hat, Drunk Punch, Love.