If you have two, give one to your friend....if you have three, give one to your friend and me

I have always wondered...why is it that many teachers drink so much/are alcoholics!? What is it about education that drives them to the bottle? This question is always in the back of my brain and never have I truly found the answer to this riddle.

Well....until today.

First, let it be said that one of my first memories made as a sub teacher involved me subbing in a middle school level class. A kindergarten teacher came to me before school started that day and asked which room I was in and whatnot. I informed her and she responded "Oh! *Jane is in that class! She will drive you to the bottle". I erupted into laughter that basically lasted all day. And it was true...Jane was a particularly difficult student. She didn't actually do anything at all...well in regards to participating in class. She just happened to be insanely in love with one of her classmates and would bully him, taunt him, chuck things at his head, do ridiculous things for him to make fun of her for...all just for his attentions. One day of this was not enough to drive me to drink....but I could see where a year of this behavior might make one consider the benefits of happy hour.

Now back to the task at hand. Today. Days like today make me realize why teachers often need a sip of some liquid bread after work. Today I walked into work and was THRILLED! I thought I was working all week as one teacher and found out that instead I got to teach my favorite kindergarten class for two of the days instead! This particular group of 5 and 6 year olds happen to be the class I subbed half a day for on my very first day of subbing. I fell in love with them instantly! They were funny, goofy, excited, and everyone remembered my name! All year I have worked with this group regularly to where most of the kids shout my name down the hall when they see me in the building (and then run and hug me and give me their nice children germs). Well...this loving and mostly well behaved group went MIA today.

Today the best way to describe my fave class would be as follows....
Part of them are suffering from serious "senioritis" of kindergarten. They just do not care about learning anymore this year.
EXAMPLE: *Kate was mad because she had to do a math page (like all the other kids) instead of play. She did the only logical thing a person could do...she chucked the packet of papers at my head.

Part of them seem to have done a bit of an Xmen style morph. They were just lovely little children and then something set them off and BAM suddenly they have bone like claws protruding from between their knuckles and they have ran screaming across the room and inserted their little claws into their fathers chest. I.E. They fell off the deep end.
EXAMPLE: *Wendy was unhappy with all of her classmates because they did not believe it was her birthday tomorrow (as Wendy happens to be a pathological liar). I told the class it was none of their business if it was Wendy's birthday tomorrow or not and that I didn't want to hear them fighting about it again. Wendy then decided to take matters in her own hands (really) and pinch everyone within her arms length from her (while I am watching) and then lie about pinching them after I witnessed her commit the offense and could see red marks of some of the kids!

The third group is about 1/5 of the class. This group is the motivators. The good kids. The teachers dream team. This is the group that listens, sits quietly, works hard, helps others, pays attention, likes learning, and never wipes boogers on/or sneezes in the teacher eye.
EXAMPLE: *Charlotte comes in the room, puts away her things, starts her work, finishes her work without talking, hands it in, draws me a picture expressing my amazing teaching skills, makes me a card stating her love for me, picks up the paper from the floor and puts it in recycling, and then reads a book to another student.

Also, there was a bit of something in the air (perhaps the hint of summer with the sunshine we got this afternoon?). The students just did not listen. As a teacher I HATE shouting at the kids. Today, there was no other option. At one point I was standing at the door of the room letting kids in. One girl walked in the room, turned around and walked right back out - bumping into me on the way. I politely called her name and said we were not taking a drink break and to please pack up her things to go home. She did not respond. I then called her name again. And again. And again. And yet again. She simply did not respond. She was standing under 10 feet from me and I was shouting her name in a relatively quite hallway and she absolutly ignored me. As if I was but a breeze blowing about...not a shouting and clearly irate teacher. It took another teacher standing 2 feet closer to the girl shouting her name 3 times before she finally looked at us as if we were annoying her.

After I finally herded the students to the bus line and car line I headed back to the room to gather my things and get the hell out of there. On my way I came across a certain kindergartner that is well known throughout the building for his...uniqueness (cough....poor behavior, inability to listen, follow along, and constant temper tantrums). This boy was being made to walk back down the hallway to his room and practice walking back to the bus line since he ran the entire way the first time. Instead of just buckling down and walking like most kids would do...he decides to break down crying, throw his back pack, and declare that he is going to leave his stupid bag at school now! (he really showed us!). Instead...he walked down to his room...turned around....walked back to where his bag was...picked it up....said goodbye to a friend in his class....and headed back out to the bus line.

Clearly chucking the bag and screaming was very necessary and accomplished a lot in his efforts to avoid walking to the bus line verses running.

All in all....when i left the building today my first thought was....man I wish it was tomorrow...because that means Cinco de Mayo...which means Mexican food with my adopted family...which also means....beer.

But, I guess it must be said...No I did not get my drink today. And as it turns out I did not really need it after all.

Cake is a nice substitute. Which now answers the question as to why so many teachers have poor figures.

They chose the cake over the alcohol.


*Names have been changed to protect...well the kids that did something silly or ridiculous.

You Can Sit Beside Me When the World Comes Down

Hello you lovely sex kittens! This being my first post in this lovely blog...I feel it is important that we embrace a few things right off the back.

The first being that while I am a certified teacher and a fairly intelligent person...English is NOT my strong point. As in...I am bad at grammar AND spelling. I also have real issues with proof reading. In my head it is enough that I actually take the time to research and write something. It is asking way too much to have me go back through and repeatedly reread it for errors. Keep this in mind if you actually take the time to read my thoughts. (and i do this "..." A LOT)

The second thing (which IS in fact the most important thing) is that my friends are AMAZING. I know, i know...EVERYONE thinks they have the most amazing friends ever. And EVERYONE would in fact be wrong. The bond we have has been described as intimidating by many even creepy by some. We are that group of girls that know each other inside and out. My friends know when I like someone before I know it. They know when I have done something wrong before I've told them (sometimes before I even commit the crime). They also know they are the most important thing to me without me telling them. We often go beyond being on the same page....we are the girls that are on the same freaking word. We are self proclaimed "The Bestests" and to each other we are the perfect combination of insanity, intelligence, vulgarity, honesty, love and SOOO much more.

Me, Ash, Court, Jess, Christian

The next thing you should know is the history of KT. "KendraToday" was originally a handwritten newsletter started the summer of my first year of college (2005). I worked a summer job on campus and had endless office supplies at my disposal. Pure Heaven. I LOVE office supplies (but really...who doesn't?). I missed my best friends since I no longer saw them every day and wanted a way to keep them updated on the random happenings in my life (like me getting my hair stuck in a paper shredder) without having to call each of them multiple times a day. The only solution to this problem....use sharpies and fun colored paper to create a newsletter! KT was a success and immediately people besides my bestests wanted copies. The following summer KendraToday was back by popular demand and expanded into an online version which was emailed to readers in PDF every week. I had over 50 readers in five states. This still baffles me since while I think a lot of the shit I say is remarkable, insane, and hysterical...I certainly do not expect others to agree. KendraToday developed into a collection of funny stories, good ideas, great advice (boy short swimsuit bottoms DO NOT make you look smaller ladies!), reviews of books, movies, and products (such as ear candles), and many, many more random and silly things. Expect the same (hopefully?) from this blog.

Lastly, it needs to be embraced that this blog will probably need to be filed under "r"...for ridiculous (haha Christian) as the innerworkings of my mind are usually rather insane. I am sure I will have something stupid to say with every posting and will probably bitch and moan at least once every time (possibly about things like my feelings towards UPS, People that work in Public Service but that do very little to serve me; the public, and just how annoying it is when my little sister steals my piano music!). But let me leave you on a positive note.....

Me and my big sis Kelli. My first plane ride.